Aging gracefully: Is that really a thing?
It’s important to grow older gracefully right? Whoever said that certainly was ignoring our society’s obsession with looking young and being youthful.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot as I approach a milestone birthday – the big 5-0.
Oh, I know people say “age is just a number” and “50 is the new 40”, or whatever the new age switch-up is these days, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have to admit my body does feel older. This is really hard to accept. In my mind I am not almost 50, that number seems crazy to me. I remember being younger and thinking 50 was ancient. And it doesn’t help that my 16-year-old keeps telling me I will be officially old after my birthday.
I still hear people say 50 is middle-aged, but unless I’m living to 100 that’s not exactly true anymore. That’s a tough pill to swallow as well.
I am often told that I look much younger than my age. I know some may be insulted by this since it clearly implies that a 50-year-old woman should look a certain way. I have always taken it as a compliment and one that I hold close and cling to when I am feeling my years.
Now don’t get me wrong, my 40’s were a great decade. I have a lovely home, a husband who loves me, wonderful children, dear friends, and a solid job. Your 40’s are an interesting decade. I’ve read posts about how in your 40’s you abandon many of the issues you had when you were younger. I have found some of this to be true. I no longer care if I go to the store looking like a mess, I laughed the other day because I realized I didn’t even look in the mirror before I left the house for Wegman’s and it showed! I can also look back fondly on stupid things I did when I was younger. I’m also much more understanding about my own mistakes and forgiving of others.
My brother and me on Fraternity Row UM 1993
My oldest son is in his sophomore year at University of Maryland and I freely admit I am often so jealous of him.
I have such wonderful memories of UM. Oh, to go back in time to when there was so much less to worry about. At 19 it is easy to be dramatic about friends and boyfriends and sorority BS. It is so true that youth is wasted on the young.
My 20’s were filled by undergrad, then law school, then getting a job, getting married and having my first child. In retrospect, it went so fast. But, it was an amazing time. I was happy. I lived in Baltimore City, went out with friends regularly and met my first husband. My 30’s were a tougher decade. I had my second son which was of course wonderful, but it also brought heartache and divorce which is not easy to rebound from. Tim came into my life when I was 36 and helped turn things around for me.
Me with Matthew 6/2003
Aging gracefully
Is there such a thing? It seems most of us go kicking and screaming.
I am lucky enough not to feel the need to color my hair – yet. Funny, how men can let their hair gray and it is considered distinguished but it’s so frowned on for us women. I know a few bad ass women who just let their hair naturally go gray and I think it’s amazing. I hope I will have the strength and self confidence to do the same when the grays start to bother me. Right now, to me, my gray hairs just look like highlights (please don’t tell me if I’m wrong here!)
Big share here, the part of me that reminds me of my age every day is my skin. Thankfully the dermatologist (whom I visit religiously every year) tells me I have “remarkably” little sun damage “for my age” and how much time I have spent outside without sunscreen. But even given this, I know my skin gives away my age. I see the age spots and looser skin every day.
I grew up in Northern New Jersey and we spent lots of time in high school at Point Pleasant beach on the Jersey shore with friends laying in the sun lathered up with baby oil. Baby oil! Not only did we not use sunscreen, but we purposefully cooked our skin in the sun like fried chicken. I fondly remember cutting hearts or initials out of paper and putting them on our stomachs to literally burn the image onto our skin - good times. Welcome to the 80’s baby!
When I look down at my arms as I type this I can see the effects of the beach, as well as the many, many hours spent cycling and spending time outside. I try to reframe my thoughts on the spots and white marks on my skin and think of them as reminders of all the time spent out of doors doing things I love. This works sometimes, until my son puts his perfect arm against mine. Then I lament the lack of sunscreen.
We all know how age obsessed our society is and yet we continue to perpetuate it (this is a whole different blog topic). I was with a group of friends recently and was surprised to find I was the only one who hadn’t tried botox yet. I love that everyone was so open about using it, but I think it’s lousy that 50-year-old women feel the need to inject a toxin into their face to get rid of wrinkles in an effort to look younger. No judgment at all, I might find myself making that decision soon enough.
Just keep moving
I do strongly believe that staying active and moving helps keep your body younger. But with that comes the understanding that my body just can’t do some of the same things it did when I was younger. And when I do, my recovery is much longer.
This has been tough to accept. I know that I am in good shape for any age (and really work at it), not just the dreaded “she’s in good shape for 50”. But my knees now pop whenever I stand up and I have actually injured myself drying my hair - for real. Our trip to Hersheypark the other day resulted in a stiff neck from a rollercoaster ride that has taken all week to work itself out no matter how much stretching and yoga I’ve done.
hiking in Glacier NP 2021
I recently tried outdoor rock climbing with my oldest son and while I accomplished what I wanted, it was tough. I envied the 20-somethings their ability to just move without the same fear or concern for injury. I told people afterwards that outdoor rock climbing may not be the best thing to take up at 50. But I did it AND had lots of random muscle pain and a bunch of bruises to prove it.
It is fully my intention to keep pushing myself physically. Not only is it my stress reliever, but I strongly believe it keeps me feeling young. I just sometimes need to be gentler with myself and realize that my body can do great things, but maybe not the same great things it used to do.
50
So as this milestone birthday approaches I am working on changing my own ideas on aging. I am doing my best to embrace the gray hairs and looser skin on my legs, knowing that my legs are strong and continue to carry me where I want to go.
On the day of my 50th birthday, I am competing in a 12-hour adventure race on a 3-person team with my husband and 16 yo son. This was my choice of what to do to celebrate my birthday. While it may seem odd to most (maybe all), for me it is a way of celebrating where I have come from and where I have yet to go in the place I love best – outside – with some of the people I love best.
It is a way of celebrating the strength in this body and maybe, just maybe, it will continue to help me move towards embracing being a 50-year-old woman and everything that comes with that, gray hairs and all.