Reverse Nesting is a Real Thing

Reverse nesting is a real thing.  Just ask my husband and my kids.

I have been working on decluttering and getting rid of things at a rather frenetic pace at times in the past year.  My husband might even use the word driven.

It brings back memories of when I was expecting my oldest son and was preparing my little Baltimore rowhouse for my baby.  But this time I’m much older and have much more random stuff collected in the house we’ve lived in for almost 18 years.

Nesting

I remember washing all the little clothes and blankets and carefully placing them in drawers.  We made sure everything was clean and neat and baby proof.  Not that he would be touching most items in our house for many, many months.  It didn’t matter – everything needed to be spotless and sterile.

I has so much extra energy at the end of my pregnancy despite working full time and I directed it at my house.  All the cabinets were cleaned out and we got rid of boxes of things we didn’t need anymore.  It was an excellent purge and organization.

There are many articles about the phenomena of nesting, especially when you are expecting your first child.  It is an expected and often laughed about activity of expecting parents, especially moms.  The part that isn’t mentioned is how compulsive it can feel.  I needed to do it to feel like I was prepared for my son’s birth, although how I thought cleaning out the cabinets would prepare me for a baby, I’m not sure.  Clearly a first-time parent thing!

What no one tells you is that when the kids are older and start moving out a new compulsion of reverse nesting can happen to you. You find yourself surrounded by things that may or may not give you joy.  You find yourself in a house that is very full of stuff, not people anymore.

Reverse nesting

My husband and I raised four children in our brick colonial house.  There was lots of room for everyone and everyone’s stuff.  Our kids went back and forth to “the others” houses, but at least with my boys, most of their belongings were at our house.  I urged cleaning out on a regular basis, but everyone still has a lot of stuff and clutter, me included.  I freely admit I find it difficult to part with my children’s artwork and even school report cards.  We have bins filled with treasures.

As the kids have gotten older, they have moved out one by one.  My husband’s kids chose to live predominantly with their mother after high school graduation.  But this did not mean all of their stuff went with them.  I did ultimately box everything up, but we still have boxes and boxes of their belongings waiting for them to move to their own apartments or homes. 

My oldest son is now a junior in college and is home for the summer.  His room is still quite full of his belongings, especially right now.  He holds on to things like we all do.  My younger son’s room is still at that place between child and teenager with National Honor Society plaques sitting next to snake skins and jars of collected rocks and shells.

As everyone has slowly left home my urge to purge has gotten stronger and stronger.  I am working my way through our house one cabinet and one drawer at a time eliminating items we no longer need.  Those old toys – into the donation bin.  The mismatched socks I’ve been keeping “just in case”, those went too.  Why do I have so many candles??? I found I love the feeling getting rid of the extra.

Don’t get me wrong, my house is still filled with tchotchkes, books, pictures, and souvenirs.  I’m not a crazy person.  I can’t go cold turkey.

But I have officially done one clean out loop through my house and am ready for round two.  I promised myself round two would be more serious.  But round two has proven a little harder.  There are reasons I have held on to all of these objects, clothes, and papers.

I’ve read the articles about getting rid of things that don’t give you joy, but that seems a bit harsh to me.  So many of the things I’ve collected bring back happy memories, which is how they have survived this long.  And I don’t like the idea of taking photos and getting rid of the object or paper.  That may work for some people, but I know it won’t work for me.

Instead, I’m moving around my house saying do I want to pay to move this item, or I am not using this, but someone else might.  This works a little better for me.  And helped me finally part with the mug I got in Hawaii 25 years ago, as well as a bunch of books I didn’t really like the first time and will never re-read.  It’s a work in progress.

I’m not sure anyone coming into my house would notice the boxes and bags I got rid of on the first loop.  I’m not really sure they will notice the second round either and that’s ok. 

So, I will continue to plug along drawer by drawer and cabinet by cabinet, even if it seems driven at times.  But I’m finding a similar sense of comfort and orderliness in my cleaning and purging to what I felt all those years ago before my first son was born.  Next up the basement…

More boxes to go through!