40 Things that I Know About Myself and Life After 40 Years

I turned 40 this year which is a milestone. I felt pretty good about it. I realized how much more I know about myself than I did 20 or even 10 years ago. Here are 40 things that 40 years have taught me.

40 Things that I Know About Myself and Life After 40 Years

40.  Not every friend is forever. Some friends are for certain seasons and the beautiful part about that is that while they may fade away, they may return again.

39. It is possible to have more than one love of your life. You can have first love, big love, and even bad love. As broken as your heart feels, time heals even the worst pain and we can love again.

38. Once I learned to manage and budget my own money, I controlled my life in a new way. There will be times in your life when you will have more or less money, but learning to live within your own means and save when you can is important to being independent.

37.  Speaking up for myself is hard. I don’t always do it, but when I do it feels amazing and empowering.

36. Whenever I am about to ask a “stupid question” in a meeting or any other setting, I always learn there is at least one other person with the same question. If you think my question is stupid, that is ok by me.

35. It is cool to go to the library and borrow books for free! I always love going and scanning my card and checking out as many books as I want. I almost never buy books in stores.

34. If I am feeling sad, stressed or otherwise down, I will feel better if I get up and take a walk, even just a short stroll. I have tested this so many times and it never fails.

33. As we get older, it can feel like we have less time to do things for ourselves like exercise or keep up with health appointments. I have the same 24 hours I always had. I choose how I want to allocate it. For example, if I say I don’t have time to work out, but I make 45 minutes to scroll on social media, maybe my issue is time management.

32. Sleep is essential as is good sleep hygiene. If you want to see me cranky, hangry and totally emotionally off kilter, give me a few nights of poor sleep. It is not cute. People laugh because I go to bed early, but I am (almost) always well-rested and able to conquer the day. I also think taking a nap should be normalized because it’s healthy.

31. Your job doesn’t have to be your purpose. Mine isn’t. Just because you spend 8 hours day working somewhere doesn’t make it your life. And if you’re someone who leaves on time and uses all your vacation time like I do, that’s not quietly quitting. It’s actually how you don’t burn out and end up truly quitting.

30. Social media is not real life. It’s like a drug in how it effects the brain. I spend way too much time on it and whenever I cut back, I feel like my entire body and mind are healthier.

29.  There is no such thing as “I don’t know how.” I freely admit that I will ask my husband to do things because I sometime lack confidence in myself. But there is always a way to figure something out without depending on someone else to do it. Google it, You Tube it or if you’re old school, to the library and get a book.

28.  Mental health is health. Healthy people including me go to therapy when they need to.  

27. I can say no to anything I want. The caveat is that there are always consequences that follow (such as someone being pissed off at me). When I say no, I have considered and accepted the consequences.

26. Career changes and new jobs are scary for everyone. But if you’re one of the many people unhappy in your current role, you can leave anytime you want. It might be hard, and in fact, I am almost certain it will be. Maybe it means you take a temporary pay cut (been there done that many years ago and it was awful, but I survived) or you end up with a longer commute, but you are never truly trapped anywhere. Anytime I ever felt like I was stuck was all in my head.

25.  Some expensive things we buy ourselves like designer purses and jewelry are not worth the money. Other things are also expensive like a good therapist and comfortable shoes but are worth the investment for me. I don’t always spend money the way my friends do and that’s ok. I have learned what works for me and what I value.

24.  A pair of jumper cables and a roadside assistance program are essential. I have learned that when you don’t have them, you are going to need them. When I was younger these are things I would never spend money on because I didn’t understand how much can go wrong when you own a car. I was never a responsible car owner, and it’s probably because my parents paid for my cars. Don’t be like me. Learn the basics about cars so you don’t get taken advantage of at a dealership or at the mechanic.

23.  I go to the dentist, dermatologist, primary care, and gynecologist regularly. I make my next appointment while I am still there. Don’t wait for something to be wrong. Adult health is also about preventative care and being proactive. I got my first mammogram this year and I am committed to taking my health seriously. We’re not kids anymore who only see a doctor when we’re sick.

22. Not everything I think needs to be said, emailed, posted or texted. Some thoughts are just better in my head. I no longer feel the need to engage with every person who says something that makes me want to respond. I used to always want to have the last word, but I can honestly say, it’s never felt as satisfying as I hoped.

21.  I didn’t make this one up myself but it’s so good that I am incorporating it anyway. When I communicate anything in an email now, I often ask myself how I would feel if this were to be read aloud in a deposition. Would I be proud of myself? Am I writing this when I am emotional? Maybe I should delete that before I send it….

20. Staying in my lane is the best way to keep myself grounded. Worrying about what other people are doing and comparing myself to them doesn’t serve me. It’s human nature to do it, but there is such peace in accepting your own life and where you are. (and kudos if you want to make changes!)

19. People who exhaust me or leave me feeling empty after spending time with them aren’t my people. I have learned it is ok to let them go to make room for those who add positivity to my life.

18. I have never felt better about myself when gossiping about someone else. Does it mean I never say anything negative? Hardly. But I recognize that gossiping is a product of my own insecurities, and we all have them.

17. There is a difference between being nice and a pushover. I confused these things for a long time. I like being nice. I am a recovering pushover.

16. When I get a feeling in my gut that something isn’t right, it usually isn’t. I listen to that now.

15. Sitting down with my family at the dinner table with everyone together is super important to me. It is one of my favorite parts of the day. It doesn’t mean we all have to eat the same homecooked meal. Maybe someone eats cereal. Sometimes a perfect meal just isn’t feasible for various reasons and I’d rather us just be together.

14. Most of what I lay awake stressing about will never happen.

13. I am ok being the friend who makes the plans because I actually enjoy it, but I am not ok being the friend who makes all the effort in the relationship.

12. I put everything on a calendar and I make every effort to keep plans. Sometimes I even use a post-it or write things on my hand, which is very high-school, but I will do whatever my brain needs to stay organized.

11.  It is totally possible to work from home and be successful and productive. When I worked in office settings, I took lots of breaks to stop by someone’s office, to grab lunch, to grab coffee, etc. I do that very seldom now and I have fewer distractions. I also fold laundry or wipe down counters if I am on a call. It is how I choose to multi-task and keep things running around here. Working from home is how busy women can get more shit done.

10.  All moms (ok, most) are good moms. Some moms work and some moms don’t. We are all doing our best.

9. The Kohr Bros. frozen custard in Ocean City Maryland is one of the best things in the world. Rainbow sprinkles are a requirement. I dream about this all year long before we go to the beach. I need to allow myself to truly enjoy food more often.

8.   Sometimes I choose not to answer calls or messages because I am being present with my family or just taking time to myself. It is ok to be unavailable. It’s taken me years to recognize that I deserve to be out of pocket when I want to.

7. Aging is an inevitable part of life. I don’t love all of it. I don’t need to explain to anyone if I want to color my hair when it goes grey or get a little Botox in my forehead lines. Yep, I got Botox in between my eyebrows because the lines made me self-conscious and I hated them.

6. Having an animal (or three!) is a beautiful part of life, and while we outlive them, those years of joy are worth the inevitable pain of the loss. Rescuing a dog has been one of the best experiences of my adult life.

5. It is ok to go though periods of depression. I do from time to time because life is hard and things happen. I have a responsibility to myself to take care of myself and my health which means I have to take positive steps to feel better. Laying on the couch and doing nothing is fine but for short period of time only.

4.  There are some things I am not good at and probably won’t ever be. The same is true for everyone. I can avoid doing them (like running because I hate it and everything hurts) or I can keep doing them and hoping that practice helps me improve (legal writing because I need to be decent at it for my job).

3.  I was not meant to be a mother or a wife in my 20s. I wanted those things, but in order to be the parent and partner I am now, I needed to grow and experience more on my own.

2. I take (short) trips separate from my husband and he does the same to golf or see his friends.  We also take trips without kids sometimes. It helps us each remember who we are outside of our identities as partners and parents.

1.  Authenticity and honesty are how I achieve happiness and peace. There have been times in my life where I did things to try and fit in or to please other people and it’s never felt right. I like living my life on my terms and I am so much happier when I follow my own voice rather than the outside noise of other people’s opinions.