Things They Never Tell You About Perimenopause

I feel like perimenopause snuck up on me.

Maybe I was just ignoring snippets of conversation or not reading the articles that popped up because I didn’t think they applied to me. Maybe I was just blissfully ignorant on the subject.

Either way, I freely admit I did not know what to expect with perimenopause when I reached my mid 40’s. I didn’t even know it could start in my mid-40’s.

Now of course I see comments, articles, and “cures” everywhere. This could be due to my now paying attention, but more likely it’s due to the clever algorithms used by Google and Facebook.

I also see everything blamed on perimenopause and menopause.

Can’t sleep? It’s perimenopause

Gaining weight? Definitely perimenopause

Headaches? Again, perimenopause

Hot flashes and night sweats? You betcha. A special treat.

Brain fog? Yup

PMS? Yup

Fatigue? Again, yes

Joint pain? Just started reading about this one.

You get the idea.

I’m sure some of you can add to this list.

Now, I love my gynecologist but I also don’t remember much specific warning from her of what was to expect. And maybe this is because there is no real definition, but instead it is a cluster of symptoms that can be different in every woman. This of course makes it really hard to help women who are suffering from these symptoms. It can feel helpless, especially when you hear it can last up to 10 years….10 years!

My experience

I can’t pinpoint exactly when my symptoms started, but I would say around 45 or 46 years old. I also can’t pinpoint what the first symptoms were since they came on gradually until there became a list I could offer to people who asked – I know we all have this list and like to discuss it with friends regularly.

The list has of course grown as the years pass.

The first symptoms I noticed were more traditional PMS symptoms that I had never suffered from in the past. I started having terrible cramping, heavy heavy periods, and became very emotional.

None of this was fun for anyone in my house. The emotional part was particularly disturbing to me. Almost every month, I would be easily angered or frustrated, but even more upsetting was the overwhelming sadness that would come in waves. I tend to be a pretty even-keeled person so this was a new experience to me. I did my best to rationally handle these waves by telling myself the feelings weren’t real which sometimes worked, sometimes didn’t. Sometimes I just cried for no reason.

Next came the weight gain. I have always been able to control my weight with healthy eating and a solid amount of exercise, but all the sudden this no longer worked. No matter what I did, the weight creeped on and all the sudden I weighed the most I ever have in my life with nothing changing but my hormones. I had difficulty buttoning my suit pants which made court even more stressful and made me resort to the old pregnancy tricks.

I’ve also suffered from insomnia – the type where you wake up in the middle of the night or early in the morning and can’t fall back to sleep.

Then the hot flashes and night sweats. It felt like my body temperature increased generally, but particularly at nighttime.

Also, migraines and bloating, you get the point.

My decision, with my doctor, was to use birth control pills to control my symptoms. I know this is not an option for everyone, but it has really worked for me. It has controlled my headaches and best of all, reduced the moodiness, much of the PMS symptoms, and helped a little with the weight gain. My intention is to ride out the years of perimenopause on “the pill”, then to slowly wean myself off in a few years and see what’s up.

Moving forward

In one conversation, my doctor told me to focus on not gaining more weight, but that I shouldn’t try to lose the weight that has crept on yet. So frustrating because I have tried everything -diets, more exercise, low carb, whole foods, cutting down on alcohol and desserts. Nothing really works.

I read today that menopause can cause joint pain and other various aches and pains. Even arthritis. Thankfully I haven’t had this, but other women must for it to be added to the ever-growing list of symptoms.

One thing that keeps standing out to me going through this is the utter lack of knowledge of, and research into, perimenopause and menopause symptoms. Just another example of how women’s health issues are not treated as seriously as men’s issues or issues that affect the whole population. We are expected to go about our lives and jobs and to suffer from this lengthy list of issues in silence. And to remember to always smile.

This is where is becomes important for women to talk about these issues out loud and not just with their sympathetic friends. We need to encourage our doctors to talk about perimenopause with younger women so they know what to expect. We need to push our healthcare system to do more.

So, talk with your friends and doctors and let’s make this an open conversation. Not only will it make you feel better, but you could help someone suffering in silence.

It’s good to know you are not alone.