Letting Go: College Winter Break

My oldest son is home for his winter break from college.  He’s a sophomore at University of Maryland so not too far from home.  This allows for a few visits for parent’s weekend and sporting events, plus a whole week for Thanksgiving.

His break is a full month, but it still doesn’t feel like enough.

I share him with his dad where he lives part of the time, but I also share him with work, his friends, his brother, and his girlfriend.

I miss having him around more.  I miss not missing him.

Adjusting

The adjustment to college is not always an easy one for us or for our kids.  And every semester that passes by there is more change.  And more separation.  This is the natural order of things, but it doesn’t make it easy on this mama heart.

Some kids flourish in their new environment away from home.  And while it took my son a bit of an adjustment, this is thankfully him.  He loves his school and his studies.

I read heartbreaking posts from parents whose kids are not having such an easy time moving from high school to college and can feel their distress.  Mental health can be so fragile.

Some parents make this transition seem so seamless, but maybe it’s really not so easy for them either.  Social media makes everything look perfect.

I am so thankful that my son genuinely enjoys spending time with his family, so there are no fights about family traditions or going to events together.  He still watches TV with us and just the other night we were all doing a puzzle together before dinner.  But I know the countdown to return to school and his life there is always in his head.

My heart broke just a little bit when he called his apartment home.

I know parents whose kids chose a school far away from home, so the visits are few and far between.  This type of separation seems like it would be much more abrupt and distinct.  And maybe that’s better for some.  I’m thankful that wasn’t my son’s choice.

I am absolutely loving my son being home for winter break, but it feels different.  Because while it is long enough to be more than a visit, it is not long enough to feel like my son lives at home again.

It’s hard to make peace with the idea that he won’t always live here.

Letting go

Letting go of our kids as they reach each new step in life is not an easy process.  We spend so much time and energy in the role of mom (or dad) that it becomes part of us, part of our nature.  I have always loved this role.  I am “mom” and always will be, but how much I’m needed in that role on a daily basis keeps diminishing. 

Some days that’s super tough to process.

I still get lots of hugs, but I know my role as mom is now different. And I also know I need to figure out how to adjust to this new and totally normal stage of life.

This is a natural process with many steps forward and a few steps backward.  Change is inevitable, but never easy. 

And letting go of my son’s childhood is no exception. 

My job now is to cheer him on from the sidelines and provide whatever support and advise he needs as he moves through college.

And maybe, just maybe, to steal as many hugs as possible whenever my son is willing.