The Pregnancy Peanut Gallery
I know that millions of women get pregnant and give birth every single day and there is nothing particularly unique about my experience, but let me just say that what has surprised me most about pregnancy was how people react to pregnant women. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Let me explain. In my non-pregnant state, I can walk into the store, get a few groceries, not speak to anyone and be on my way. As a pregnant person walking around in public, I am somewhat of a hybrid between a celebrity and a zoo animal. Everyone wants to ask questions and to engage. I find that so many strangers want to be so…. involved. It is a phenomenon I will never understand.
People want to touch me. On my stomach. Strangers want to know if I will breastfeed and will I return to work. Advice on sleep-training is doled out like gospel. And the intrusive comments about my body never cease to amaze me. Over the course of the past 10 months (yeah, it’s ten, not nine!) I have encountered a variety of the same type of people, mostly women, who are what I have dubbed the Pregnancy Peanut Gallery. They are well-intended strangers who simply cannot resist engaging with any pregnant person they see. Even while masked up during a pandemic, they have found me. And they will find you, too. You have been warned.
Meet the Peanut Gallery:
The Fortune Tellers: These are the people who can tell the gender of your baby (as if you asked them) simply by looking intently at your stomach, usually in line at Target or in an elevator. Carrying high? “Oh, that is definitely a boy.” Not looking your best? “It’s a girl! You know girls steal your beauty.” Oy, Karen, that might be one to keep to yourself. These gals are mostly well-intended, but again, they have no filter whatsoever and their predictions are usually rooted in, well, nothing. Not to tout my math skills, but you have a 50 percent chance of guessing my baby’s gender, so I am fairly sure, the odds are decent either way. And remind me again in 2022, why we are still so focused on a baby’s gender? (that is definitely a question for another post).
The “Doctors”: These people aren’t actually doctors, but boy are they full of unsolicited free medical advice usually given in the form of a question but phrased more like an accusation. You can literally feel the weight of their judgement.
“You’re eating a turkey sandwich?” As someone who publicly ate a lot of turkey sandwiches over the past year, this was a favorite. “No, I am eating a turkey sandwich after I finish my sushi, Carol.”
I am clearly not a doctor myself, but let me just say this. There is a A LOT of “you can’t” and “you shouldn’t” type of literature and “stuff” out there on the internet. I am not even remotely qualified to comment on the safety of what YOU eat or don’t eat during your pregnancy. But I can tell you, unless you are someone’s treating physician, MYOB. No one wants to hear about an article you once read in Reader’s Digest. Unless you see me openly engaging in illicit drugs on the side of the road while eating my sandwich, don’t intervene in this pregnant lady’s sandwich consumption. I don’t say this to be flippant, but rather to remind people of the importance of boundaries. You don’t comment to an overweight person eating dessert in public, do you? You know why? Because it is just plain rude.
The Parrots: These are everywhere. They ask you the exact same three questions as if the answers have any impact whatsoever on their lives. You will never see them again, but they simply need to conduct this brief survey about your unborn baby. I suspect that they repeat these questions to every pregnant woman and then they enter all the stats all into some Excel spreadsheet every so often. Who knows?
Question 1: When are you due?
Question 2: Do you know what you’re having?
Question 3: What is the name?
I really don’t mind answering. I get it. Strangers are genuinely curious and they really are well intended. I guess to some degree being pregnant is like walking around with a new puppy. It invites curiosity because it’s something that makes people happy. But puppies are supposed to be engaging with the outside world and they are supposed to be petted and touched. A 37 year old pregnant woman is not. Also, it doesn’t feel nice when you rub our bellies. I promise.
The Disaster Forecasters
These are actually my least favorite people. These are the women, some who are probably moms of little ones, who can not resist telling you how HARD delivery will be, how HARD a newborn will be and how TIRED you will be. Really, I had absolutely no clue that newborns didn’t sleep much until you told me, so thank you. My all-time favorite comment is from the people who say “sleep now while you can.” I have a physiological reaction to that statement. For goodness sake, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in 3 months and you should know that because you have been through this!!! Why do people continue to spout this nonsense to pregnant women? Every pregnant person I have talked to who is in the home-stretch is NOT sleeping well. We are big. We can’t get comfortable. We are having weird dreams. We are pacing the kitchen at 4:00 a.m. eating grapes and goldfish pretzels (ok, that’s just me) or worse, scrolling our phones looking at baby stuff we do not actually need. And please, stop telling us how much bigger we are going to get or making comments like “just you wait and see if you think it is hard now”. This really gets me because you have absolutely no idea if I am going to get bigger (or are you a fortune teller?) and even if it looks like I am still growing, how can that comment help? We don’t make comments like that to people with illnesses and tell them how much worse it is going to get! How are any of these types of comments helpful? THEY AREN’T. I am already so big I bump into the walls in my house. I am aware that I will gain more weight. I do not need to hear from the lady behind me at Giant that I will “really start to pop in the next few weeks.” Just scan your apples and keep the line moving.
By and large, most people are incredibly kind to pregnant women and most of the comments really do come from a place of good. In fact, just last week, a young sales associate came up to me and for no apparent reason told me that I “looked beautiful”. She didn’t ask me any questions. She didn’t make any weird comments. She just said one nice thing and continued working. Bless her heart, because I am fairly sure I was in sweatpants with a stain and my baseball hat. But she was so sweet and genuine. It actually made my day. As for the rest of you in the peanut gallery, take a clue from the men of the world. They say absolutely nothing ever to pregnant strangers. I could literally be walking into the delivery room screaming from contractions or standing next to him while my water breaks and most men wouldn’t dare ask if I was pregnant. Somehow, somewhere they got the memo and they follow it religiously. After all, no man ever wants to ask a woman when she is due only to find out she isn’t even pregnant. So instead of engaging with every pregnant stranger you see, maybe bite your tongue, hold back the comments and just simply offer a smile…or a French fry. If nothing else, let us go in line ahead of you because we most likely really need to go to the bathroom.
#pregnancy #ninemonths #momtobe #pregnantlife #expecting #preggo @ilizaschesinger