Buy Nothing: More than just Free Stuff

Spring cleaning? Before you load up the car and make a trip to Goodwill, I suggest you consider joining your local Buy Nothing Project as a way to purge unwanted items and get to know your neighbors. I discovered this Facebook group when I was newly single and had an apartment to furnish on a super tight budget. I also lacked patience, muscles and tools, so most Ikea furniture was out. In the various cities I’ve lived in over the years, I’ve joined the local Buy Nothing Group and the experience has been both unique and rewarding. I’m such a believer in their mission that I often ask myself whether buying most stuff brand new (except underwear) is really even necessary.

Here is how it works: Most zip codes have several different BN groups (you are permitted to join just one at a time) and neighbors post items they wish to give away. Think of everything from clothes, sports equipment, toys, furniture, a half of a box of granola bars to an extra Domino’s pizza. There really is a taker for almost everything, especially food. One cool aspect is that you can “wish” for things and you just may find that someone in your neighborhood has the book, ski pants, art supplies or extra wrapping paper you need or wish to borrow. I have seen everything from Halloween costumes (who wears these more than once anyway?) to a giant bag of sweet potatoes (an Insta-cart mistake?). Last week someone posted left-overs from a party and they were claimed immediately! It’s fun to see what people offer. Unlike Craig’s List where you often do the exchange in a parking lot with a total stranger, the BN group strives to be a community. People are encouraged to get to know one another through this “hyper-local gift economy.” Gratitude, kindness and respect are the core values of the BN Project. If the past few years have taught us anything, we can all use a little more of all three.

It is not a “first come first serve” marketplace system. You are encouraged to let your items “simmer” and choose someone randomly or by posing a question such as “What do you plan to use the item for?” It takes more effort than quickly choosing the first person to claim your stuff, but the idea is that you give everyone a chance and don’t treat it like a fire sale. Sometimes it’s hard to be patient. The jist is that you’re supposed to ask to be considered for an item and you aren’t permitted to directly message anyone to ask for it. If you’re like me, once you decide to give something away, you want it gone and out of the house. Giving to the person who asks first can be very tempting! I actually sometimes sit the item on my porch before the person says he/she is coming. Out of sight is always better for me and probably anyone else who is triggered by the sight of clutter. I’ve seen some people keep bins on their porch for BN contactless pick-ups which was awesome during Covid. Others use the bins for convenience and to assure that the item is kept secure. People even label stuff with the recipient’s name so as to make sure the right item goes to the right person. I wish I was that organized.

Over time, I have noticed that people seem to know one another and even tag each other if there is something posted that may be of interest. It’s not just unwanted stuff that is offered up for grabs. People often post a “gift of self” where they offer/seek someone to assist in a project such as gardening or learning to play an instrument. My favorite BN experience was my neighbor who posted that she wanted someone to teach her to ride a bike because she never learned as a child. I jumped at the chance (because why not?) and we had a good laugh that night! Some people may question why I would be willing to meet a total stranger. Maybe it is a bit unconventional, but aren’t we all strangers until we meet? Everyone you meet at work or a bar is a stranger until you get to know them. Another cool moment was when someone posted mylar birthday balloons that ended up getting passed along to several people before they deflated. Talk about saving time, money and the environment all in one.

When I got married, I borrowed a pair of gorgeous gold shoes from a neighbor to wear for just an hour. It was much more fun to see people offer up their shoes to choose from then it was to spend $100 at the mall for shoes I would never wear again. As is tradition from time to time, I made sure to do a “gratitude post” with a photo of myself in the shoes and a few words of thanks to the person. It may sound a little kum-ba-yah, but it’s fun being apart of a community like this and you never know how you may connect with someone or what you might have in common. It is actually a very warm feeling inside to see someone post a photo of her kid playing with the toy or wearing the outfit that was just sitting in your basement collecting dust. Facebook has enough negativity days and it’s nice to see a positive post where someone expresses sincere appreciation. I consider the gratitude posts almost like a thank you card, which few people send anymore. Often we receive gifts and we focus so much on whether it is the right color or size that we forget to let ourselves just be grateful.

I’ve bonded with one lovely lady who has at least 5 chihuahuas (a woman after my own toy-dog loving heart) and her dogs have inherited several outfits and Halloween costumes from my dogs over the years. She knew when I adopted my senior rescue dog who has skin issues and kindly offered me some of her dog’s special shampoo for him to try. That’s the kind of person you meet in the group – genuinely thoughtful. People like that do still exist in the world! There’s another friend I met after she and I were always giving things to each other and we realized her daughter is around the same age as my step-daughter. We both enjoy fitness and we’ve gotten together from time to time to go for walks. She is someone I would not have had met if it wasn’t for joining BN and now I consider her a friend. It’s hard to make friends as you get older and I think it’s pretty cool that people can connect in this way.

We live in such a crazy consumer-driven culture. My entire inbox is coupons and advertisements from websites I went to but didn’t buy anything. It’s like they are inside my head! Even Amazon wants to set up my purchases to auto-ship and if there is an item still left in my cart, they will surely let me know at least five times. How easy it is to quickly click “purchase” and wait for the item to arrive the next day. Drive by your local Goodwill and look at the mountain of discarded items waiting to be sorted into dumpsters on the parking lot. How much of that stuff will just end up in landfill? What always strikes me whenever I see the piles outside of Goodwill is that almost every single one of those items was something somebody worked hard to pay for or their child “had to have.” And in many cases, the newness wore off and it was discarded. Donating anything is never a bad thing, but there is something fulfilling about giving to a person you know (even if it’s only online) who will enjoy it. I have received my fair share of (ugly) sweaters over the years and guess what? That sweater in the back of your closet is someone’s favorite color and size! Or maybe it’s perfect for their upcoming ugly sweater party. Either way, giving it directly to a person feels much better than leaving it in a dumpster outside of Goodwill. Just make sure the person who gave it to you and the person you gift it to don’t end up knowing each other

Remember when Marie Kondo told us all to get rid of anything that didn’t spark joy?

I love that idea and I really believe that joy is different for everyone. When I moved in with my now-husband, his dark green old sofa definitely did not spark joy in me. Fortunately, we compromised and got rid of it (see what I did there) and our neighbors happily drove away with it in the back of their minivan. We all have stuff we don’t use or need anymore. Just open your cabinets and take a peek. It’s pretty common on the BN page to see offers of half-used, opened shampoo or other hair products. My husband, who for the record is bald, thinks this is crazy. But who hasn’t wanted to try a new product without purchasing a whole thing? Those items can be very expensive, so this is sort of like sampling. At first, I thought it was a bit weird, but my perspective has changed.

Even my views on shopping have evolved since I joined the BN group. I used to love to buy clothes and I often bought in bulk, to say the least. Now I purchase so much less and I don’t mind one bit that I have used stuff. It’s new to me! Over the years, I have had used dishes, used throw pillows, and a used-but-literally-brand-new floor lamp, just to name a few things. And I’m shamelessly the first one to jump on a box of protein bars that someone’s kids “no longer like.” It’s fun to try new snacks! I’m not going to pick up a partially consumed carton of milk, but I no longer judge people who do. I consider them resourceful and practical. We waste way too much food in this country! I don’t consider myself a frugal person, but maybe that’s because I always thought frugal meant cheap. No one will admit to being cheap, except maybe my husband. I prefer the term thrifty. I enjoy the adrenaline rush of getting something new, even if it’s pre-owned. The retail industry makes billions of dollars off of the fact that shopping releases endorphins in our brains which is why we do it so often. What other nation opens its stores at midnight after Thanksgiving so people can rush out and buy things? I’ve been guilty of engaging in some pretty intense retail therapy and it’s why I used to have 20 pairs of designer shoes but no money in the bank. I’ve learned to find joy in activities besides shopping. But yes, sometimes things do bring me happiness. Especially things I want or need that happen to be free!

Fortunately, I can buy what I need and most of what I want. I don’t take that for granted. But the BN group isn’t just about saving money. It’s not a group aimed at the “needy” and it’s not a charity. People from all different backgrounds use BN to share what they have to offer and ask for what they need. It really is that simple. There are no strings attached to any gift. According to BuyNothingProject.org, “We exist for the sole purpose of building community.” People are encouraged to “give from abundance” and to forge connections with one’s neighbors and community members as they give. Who doesn’t remember stories about people borrowing a cup of sugar or milk from a neighbor? Even before Covid, this wouldn’t be something most people would do anymore. Someone would probably see me on the Ring camera and think I was a burglar! Despite social media and technological advances, we are all still so disconnected. Covid made us all more reclusive to a certain extent. The BN project helps close the divide in my opinion and has shown me over and over again that as human beings, we are more alike than we are different. I have found myself connecting with all different people of various ages and backgrounds and I hope that makes me more accepting and compassionate towards others. So whether you need to purge unwanted “clutter” or you actually do find yourself needing of a cup of sugar, your local BN group has something to offer. Hopefully you will find the thing you are looking for and most importantly you will build connections and become part of a pretty awesome community.