Finding Happiness: Always a Work in Progress

This past weekend I was able to watch both my son and my stepdaughter doing things they truly love.  There is something heartwarming about watching your children doing things that bring them joy.

My stepdaughter performed this past weekend in the musical Spongebob Squarepants.  She was in the ensemble and was all smiles as she sang and danced for the entire show.  I could feel her happiness.  And it made me happy.

My son played in his last indoor soccer game for the season.  He pours all of himself into his playing and it’s amazing watching him running at full speed and throwing his body into the game.  As he scored a goal, he was all smiles.  Which made me smile too.

I felt true happiness and joy watching them.  I feel happy just thinking about them doing these things they love so much. 

It was a good weekend and made me reflect on happiness.

I’ve been reading alot about happiness lately. I’ve attended a lecture on the topic and even started an online class complete with personality tests (I share more in this months newsletter). I find the topic fascinating.

There is research out there about what makes people happy. The pursuit of happiness is on everyone’s mind seemingly now more than ever.  Everywhere you look there are articles and recommendations on how to improve your happiness.  And yet, people seem more and more unhappy.  People are seeking happiness in all the wrong places.  They are looking for happiness to come from outside of them, to come from things they buy or experiences or things they see on Tiktok.  The research shows we are looking in the wrong place.

The truth is, we cannot be happy in our lives until we are happy with ourselves.  Seems so simple, so why does it elude so many people?

It is no mystery that good friendships can help us feel happier.  So can a good, supportive partner or a job where we feel valued. 

But that initial spark of happiness needs to come from inside of us.  We will never find it solely from other people or possessions or our work.  I remember my ex-husband telling me I didn’t make him happy.  He truly believed that was my responsibility.  What an impossible bar to set.  I always felt that my role was to help support him and to nurture and increase his inherent happiness.  I could certainly provide moments of happiness and joy.   But it’s impossible to make someone happy long term if they don’t have their own sources of happiness.

Well, how do we do this?  How do we find internal happiness?  That’s the key, isn’t it?

If I knew this, I would be famous! 

Unfortunately, there is no magic pill or special way to change your mindset overnight or we would all be gloriously happy.   But there are things you can do to improve your everyday happiness and ways to improve your responses to stress.  I work on all of these regularly.

               * Work on thinking positively.  I’m not talking about toxic positivity here but practice not going automatically to the worst-case scenario.  Try some realistic optimism.  Positive, good things do happen regularly, some days you just have to look a little harder for them.

               * Seek out nature.  There are many studies that show being in nature makes us happier.  Sit in the sun, look at the flowers, listen to the birds (there’s even a cool app to identify them!).  Allow your brain to de-stress and just breathe.

                *Unplug from your phone and other technology.  We are all on our phone’s way too much, which interferes with our interactions with real people in our lives.  Put the phone away and spend time with your friends or family.  Really watch your children do things they love.

                *Do things you enjoy.  You deserve your own time too, no matter how busy life seems.  Find a hobby, exercise, or just dance and sing along to music in your kitchen.  Do something when you have free time that allows you to relax and find joy.   Even if it’s just for 10 minutes.  I love to paint or garden or read. I build peep sculptures in my free time which brings me happiness.

None of these suggestions will magically make you a happy person, but each of them together may help.

And in the meantime, I’m going to continue to work on my own suggestions.   I’m going to work to find everyday ways to feel happiness.  Maybe today it’s going for a walk or talking to my son about something he is passionate about. Or even eating that candy bar I’ve been saving. I will continue to seek out joy every day. I hope you will join me.

I think we are all worth the effort.