It’s Not About the Peeps: Thoughts from a Recovering Overachiever

Recently I gave myself permission to give up on something that was not giving me joy.  In fact, it was causing the exact opposite…the dreaded unnecessary stress.

This decision was inordinately difficult for me and I went back and forth for days. 

I felt guilty for wanting to quit something I had committed to. 

I felt weak for giving up something that I’ve been doing for years.

We’re not talking about a work project or a PTA event I committed to planning.  No, this is a completely voluntary event.  An event that is supposed to be fun and creative.

It’s the yearly Peep show fundraiser for a local county arts council.

Peep Show

I started making a sculpture for the Peep show seven years ago when all four kids still lived at home.  Everyone was enthusiastic about the project.  We discussed what we were going to make, cut peeps together, and proudly went to the show to check out how our entry did against all the others.  And we even got awards a couple of the years!

As the years passed the kids have left home one by one, until now it’s just me and Nicholas.  He doesn’t have much interest in helping out.  He is still the official Peep cutter, but the rest falls on me. 

And this year work has had me travelling more than expected which has been tiring and means I’m home less.  The deadline was moved up and I didn’t catch it until it was time to sign up, so I lost several weeks.  And I’ve been busy with personal travel and completing CEU’s for my yoga certification.  I’ve been so busy already in 2023 and something had to give.

So, I found myself looking at the calendar and actually stressing about a Peep project.  Until I gave myself permission to quit.  I expected instant relief, and I wish I could report that I did, but this hasn’t completely happened yet.  I still feel a little guilty. And yes, I do realize this is a crazy emotion to feel over a Peep craft project.

But as I’m sure you’ve already gathered; this is about more than the Peeps.

(Curious about the Peep show? Peep Show)

Recovering overachiever

I was listening to a yoga seminar (for those CEU’s I mentioned!) and the lecturer was talking about being a recovering overachiever and bells went off in my head.  She described her path to yoga which greatly matched mine.  Years ago, I felt too busy to try yoga and thought I had way too much going on in my head to even sit still.  Sound familiar?

I fought this for years, until I made the commitment to myself and to my practice during covid and got my certification.  Although it may sound hokey, it has really benefitted my life in unexpected ways.

I am not a perfectionist, but I am your typical overachiever.  Constantly busy and always adding more.  There are many times I relish in being busy.  I know I love the feeling I get when I am particularly productive.  But as I’m getting older, I am rethinking lots of my previously held thoughts.  I’m looking at whether the things I choose to do in my life make me happy.  I’ve decided I need to work on changing my mindset and shift the way I look at my busyness.

Part of this shift was a promise to myself that I would work on shedding things in my life that don’t give me joy.  This has been so much harder than I expected.

How do I allow myself to say no and step back?

I’m a work in progress but aren’t we all.

Things I’m learning

I think we fail the quickest when we expect change overnight- this goes for dieting, adding exercise to our lives, or with learning how to set boundaries and say no.  So I know this will be a slow process and I’m OK with that.

I want to share a few of the things I’ve learned and am continuing to work on daily:

1.   It is OK to not agree to do everything and to say No once in a while – I have a tendency to volunteer for pretty much everything.  This is a standing joke in my family because they often all get roped in too.  And I mean everything - from PTA President, being race director for a school color run, to working in the concession stand at my son’s high school, to getting up early in the morning to work at a JDRF walk.  You need a volunteer, I’m there! 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying do not volunteer.  Volunteers make the world go round and are so needed.  And I get so much personal satisfaction from volunteering, but it doesn’t always have to be me.  I’m working on not being the first to offer to help.  There is guilt here too, because if I don’t do it, maybe it won’t get done.  That’s hard for me to swallow.  Again, baby steps.

2.       It is OK to quit something that no longer gives you joy – This is where the Peeps come in, but also triathlon and plenty of other things I’ve done for years and stuck with way longer than I wanted because I felt some sort of obligation.  I’ve yet to identify why I feel the obligation, but I’m working on giving myself permission to stop doing things that no longer make me happy.

3.       It is OK to put yourself first sometimes – Moms especially put themselves last so frequently, I think it becomes second nature to so many of us.  It is so important that we take care of ourselves too so we can be the best version of ourselves for those who need us.  This means making time to exercise and go out with friends.  And if you don’t want to go to the practice or game not guilting yourself into going to EVERYTHING your child does. When I stress about missing a game, my son is always telling me it’s alright, he knows I love and support him.

4.       Be kind to yourself – This should go without saying, but it is true that we are our own worst critics.  But it is also a truth that we can’t always be perfect and we can’t do everything.  We need to learn to be kind to ourselves as we navigate our lives.

So the unfinished peep sculpture went into the basement with the thought that maybe I will give it a go next year, but also maybe I won’t.

My promise to myself is to continue working on letting go of things that no longer give me joy. 

Even if it is to make room for my next project.  I did say I was a work in progress, right?