It IS hard to teach an old dog new tricks!
It IS hard to teach an old dog new tricks
Not that I consider myself a dog of course, but you get the picture. Learning something new is HARD! Especially when you have been doing the same thing for literally years and years.
I practiced the same type of law for 20 years. That’s a long time.
Now when I say the same type, I don’t mean exactly of course.
I was a prosecutor for 20 years, so that means criminal law. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it is a lot like Law and Order but much less glamorous and no “dun, dun”. I handled all types of cases from serious traffic to misdemeanor thefts to drug cases to burglary to armed robbery. I spent most of my career handling SVU-type cases – think domestic violence and various sex crimes. Tough stuff. I spent years working with the police and victims on a daily basis and appearing in court regularly. For years I loved the high pace and challenge of court and dealing with victims. And I liked feeling that I helped people.
About 6 months ago I made a massive change in my career (if you missed it “Breaking Up from a Job is Hard to Do”). I made the change for a variety of reasons, including trying to seek a better work/life balance and having less daily stress. But the change has NOT been an easy one for me.
My new choice in legal career involves civil litigation. I have been equating this change to moving from pediatrics to dermatology if I were a doctor. Basically, I learned it in law school and for the bar exam, but it is so different from what I was doing that I feel like I’m starting over many days. I keep saying I wish I paid more attention in Torts class and Civil Litigation, although it was over 25 years ago so that probably wouldn’t have helped that much either. Plus, ironically, I remember not liking it much because of SO much paperwork!
I am used to knowing what I’m doing since I did it for so long. I was comfortable. I was the expert and the one people often came to with questions. Now I’m the one asking questions all the time from people much younger than me. It has been very eye-opening. And very humbling.
I am constantly reminding myself that I can do this, that I can learn this, but some days I feel frozen. I stare at the screen and the memo I am supposed to be writing for hours drafting a few lines and then closing it out to read more cases and then going back to it. My deadline is looming in red on the calendar.
Some days I feel too old to learn new things. Staying with what I knew would have been so much easier. But then I remind myself of all the reasons I left.
I also remind myself that learning new things is supposed to be good for your brain. Right?
If that’s all true, then why is this so hard?
I admit I had visions of moving into my new office and seamlessly transitioning into my new job - immediately being able to have constructive discussions on law with my new coworkers and writing motions and briefs without issue.
This has NOT happened of course. I spend my days reading cases and treatises to bring myself up to speed. My first few weeks, that was basically all I did. In meetings, I surreptitiously jot down case names my co-workers casually throw around so I can look them up later to understand what they are talking about. I try hard to pay attention to discussions on Title-this and Title-that with the hope that I will learn something by osmosis. That hasn’t worked quite yet, but I remain hopeful.
I’ve read a few articles on how it’s good for our brains to learn new things, especially as we grow older (see below for a few links if you want to read more). And as I quickly approach 50 I realize this applies to me more and more.
I’ve always enjoyed learning new things, but when I’ve learned new things in the past it was generally more about how to can peaches or try to keep my bees alive through the winter. I have a wide range of interests, but these are all hobbies, not my job. This is different.
Will I get this right away? Clearly not. I was told to give it a year which seems like such a long time. I often miss the days of knowing what I’m doing and feeling confident in what I’m discussing. I don’t like feeling dumb which, if I’m being honest, is how I feel some days. Deep down I know it’s not true and certainly no one is saying anything to make me feel like that. I know it’s all on me, it’s my insecurity and my fear that I can’t really do this. That I can’t really make this giant change in my life and figure all of it out.
That I can’t learn new tricks.
But then I work on going back my mantra and telling myself I CAN do this and that I WILL do this.
So, now I pull out my legal pads and reading glasses and put on my big-girl pants and settle down to some light reading about contributory negligence and the public duty doctrine. Wish me luck.
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20170828-the-amazing-fertility-of-the-older-mind