Heels: A Complicated Relationship

When I was a kid, I loved nothing more than to play dress-up in my mother’s high heels.

The sound of the clicking heels on the floor was oddly satisfying and addictive. I remember my first pair of dress-up heels-- red, glittery and plastic with bows. I could click my heels three times and be anywhere or anyone that I wanted. In my mind I was Baby from Dirty Dancing when she does the final dance scene. 

Twenty-five years later, I found that my step-daughter did the same exact thing. She and her friends would parade around on the hardwood floors in my work shoes. They were like runway models sashaying through the house as the shoes nearly flopped off their little feet. There is just something about high heels that makes little girls and grown women feel so confident, fancy and even…powerful. I used to have a love-hate relationship with heels but now it’s definitely more of a hate relationship. I can’t remember the last pair of high heels I bought. I have given most of mine away!

For most of my 20s, I crammed my feet into all kinds of uncomfortable shoes for various occasions. Hot pink patent leather stilettos. Pointy toe black pumps. Animal print wedges. There was always room in the closet for more shoes. I was totally addicted, and I didn’t care if my shoes were comfortable or not.  And now that I am nearing 40 and a lawyer working in an office where I do dress up for court, I dread wearing heels. I love the way they look, but I do not love the pain in my feet, back and neck from the way they unnaturally position us.  

When I first started working, I wore them every day, rain or shine, snow or sleet. I simply could not stand the look of flats on me. I told myself they were for old ladies. Now, flats are all I buy. I guess I am one of those old ladies. I still occasionally force myself to wear heels when I am in a jury trial. My feet pay for it later, trust me. The other day for the first time I wore heels which are one of those “comfort brands” or so I am told. By lunch, the ball of my foot was literally numb. It still hurts as I write this! Why on earth did I subject myself to this torture knowing that I wouldn’t make it a whole day without needing different shoes? Why do we as women tell ourselves that in order to be professional or to project confidence we need to wear shoes that literally keep us from walking properly?

 I have a 7 month-old and he will need shoes before I know it. I assure you that a proper fit will be my number one priority when we go to the store.  Why don’t so many of us ladies approach shoe-buying the same way? Men’s shoes can be stylish without being uncomfortable, but for women’s footwear, it’s a whole different ballgame. Everything dressy is also painful, or at least it looks like it.

The straps. The buckles. The skinny heels. Even the chunky heels. The pointy toe shoe that smushes my toes into the shape of a triangle. Why? Why? Why? I pay money for this pain???

If you ask me, all heels hurt after a few hours, even the “comfort brands.”  They still make your hips jut forward and put pressure on your feet. If you actually look at the shoes, you can see that most of them aren’t designed to give support to your feet. Isn’t that the actual purpose of shoes?  I feel like high heels are like corsets They make you look great, but I can’t move. I prefer moving. Every time I think I found one pair of heels  that my feet can tolerate, I am sore and sorely mistaken.

 If you look on any fashion runway or movie, the strong powerful successful women are mostly wearing high heels. Can you imagine if the Sex and the City women wore clogs or tennis shoes? Would we view them the same way?

I know the excitement that a new pair of shoes can bring and I used to dream of a pair of Louboutin’s (I compromised on Steve Madden), but why do we need to subject ourselves to such discomfort for the sake of fashion? Who are we really impressing? We do it for other women I suspect because most men don’t have a clue about heels. So long as you aren’t towering above them, they probably won’t notice. And what if, God forbid, we were taller than some men with our heels on? Would that really be so bad?

It strikes me as so silly that for some of the most critical moments of our lives, ones where we are on our feet for long periods of time, we select footwear that makes us miserable. There is an entire aisle in the grocery store dedicated to relieving the pain and injuries caused by ill-fitting shoes. From band-aids to blister patches to shoe inserts, you can spend almost as much on treating shoe-related pain as you do on the shoes. I used to get such bad blisters from heels that I would carry my shoes and walk home barefoot in college. Meanwhile the boys wore tennis shoes and flip flops.  There is so much stuff out there being sold to women for sore feet and while I love a good foot massage or foot mask (yes, it’s a thing), it feels like such a waste. Why am I spending money on shoes only to then spend more money on inserts and pads to make those same shoes comfortable to walk in? I guess this is me becoming very practical in my life. Before you know it, I will be wearing Crocs…I do love those ones with the fur lining.

So this is what I am wondering.  Can we wear flats or comfortable very-low-heeled shoes and still get the job done in the same way?

Can I still go into a courtroom and win a trial if I wear sensible shoes and not 3 inch pumps? 

I’ve done it before, so I know it’s possible to win a trial in flats and pants as opposed to heels and a skirt. But why does it feel so…different? 

Women are programmed to believe in order to be powerful and successful we need to have the right shoes, the right bag, the right accessories. My dress up shoes from 1987 were all heels. The programming starts young. Look at Barbie. She is designed standing on her tippy-toes so that the heels will stay on. I prefer her younger sister, Skipper, (does she still exist?) because she dressed for comfort.  There is not nearly as much to say about men’s footwear. Most guys have around 3 pairs of shoes.  I heard someone comparing the expectation of a woman wearing heels to the expectation of a man wearing a tie. It’s not the same in my opinion. A tie doesn’t cause bunions! A tie doesn’t lead to blisters! No one needed surgery after wearing a tie for too many years. I’ve seen some bad ties, but their long-term effect is basically nil.  

 As comfortable as my flats are, I also admit, they have no magic. There is no denying that there is something about high heels that make us feel good when we wear them. I know I hold my head a little higher in the literal and figurative sense.   But after about three hours I am ready to put on my flip flops and throw my heels in the trash can.    

Imagine feeling like that that every day for a week of a trial. That feels unnecessary and frankly, tortuous. If it were up to me, we would all be in tennis shoes, but I know that isn’t going to fly.  Trial attorneys don’t just have to just think on our feet; we are always on our feet in court and running between courtrooms. We are walking around in the courtroom, standing for the jury, walking back and forth from the judge’s bench and the witness seats, etc. The entire courtroom is also watching our every move. So why on earth would we want to be hobbling around in pain for hours on end? I want to concentrate on my work and not be distracted by how achy my feet are. I recently decided to wear flats (most of the time) and I initially felt self-conscious about it. Then I realized I wasn’t experiencing arch pain and toe pain anymore and I stopped caring as much. I exercise a lot and not having pain in my feet before I even start is a huge plus.

Clearly, I have a complicated relationship with high heels. I miss wearing them all the time and there are times when I suck it up and wear them despite the blisters.

But for those of you who can wear stilettos and the wedges all day, I am envious of your pain tolerance and your sense of style.