Raising a Boy: It’s Just Different
People keep telling me that boys are just...different.
I finally realized what that means. Last week, my adorable, happy-go-lucky, sweet, little 19 month-old took his plastic baseball bat and cracked our flat screen tv. And then he laughed at me. It happened so fast, I didn’t even process what happened until my husband came in the room and we both stood there, staring at the jagged lines appearing across the screen like an EKG. What do we do? We can’t really punish him, can we? How on earth do you discipline a destructive toddler?
Will Henry Pichon is the most energetic child I have ever seen.
Will climbing
He is ready to climb mountains at 6:00 a.m., but he settles for scaling the furniture and diving off our side tables. At 29 pounds, he is ready for football practice. He moves furniture like it’s no big deal. I caught him taking all the kitchen chairs and dragging them across the floor and lining them up. He used all his might and bent over and pushed each one across the floor. I could even see his face turn red. He also regularly opens the tv console drawers, uses the open drawer as a step, and hoists himself up so he can put his face against the tv. Yes, the second tv, which we bought after he broke the first one.
We removed all the sharp toys he could use to accidentally puncture the new tv, but I keep reading that I need to work on “re-directing him.” At day care when the kids do something wrong, the teachers say “no thank you” in their super sweet voices and the kids are “redirected” away from whatever bad thing they were doing. Magic.
At home, it doesn’t quite work that way. Most of the time, I am yelling over the sound of three barking dogs, “Oh my god, get that electrical cord out of your mouth!” or “NOOOOOO” as he jams his little sticky fingers into my eyeballs, just for fun. I admit, I kind of suck at disciplining a baby. I don’t want to yell at him because he is so darn cute, but we have got to reel this in, or he is going to be stealing cars by the end of elementary school. His teacher told me to do a short time out, even just 30 seconds on the couch to have him calm down. Sounds like a good idea, but my couch does not have a seatbelt or leg shackles, so he just kicks and flails around like a drunk person under arrest. And of course, he is giggling nonstop, which only makes the whole process harder. I don’t know how to show him that this is serious business. Most of the time I just say “no” over and over again. He doesn’t seem dissuaded even when I use my mean-mommy voice. I really do think he thinks this is a hilarious game.
I’ve been doing what I do for most of my parenting questions and googling it.
Most of the pediatricians and psychologists I found online want me to know that I AM NOT ALONE. I guess there could be a support group for parents of toddlers who break shit or PTWBS. I am told to first and foremost remain calm. Ok….. but let me just tell you how painful it is to have a finger jammed into your eyeball or up your nose when you’re half asleep. He has sharp little nails! I also apparently have a very low pain threshold because when he assaults me, I scream in pain. My husband thinks it’s hilarious because he doesn’t have the same response at all. Maybe he is a masochist. If you’ve ever been slapped in the face by a toddler or an adult, it hurts. It’s actually sort of stunning in that moment because it is so unexpected. It is hard to walk away because you’re just frozen. Right now, we are working on reminding him that hitting people hurts and it makes mommy cry. I make a sad face when he hurts me, and I think there is part of him that gets it. I hope so because otherwise we could have a very small sociopath on our hands. I’ve also been taking his hands and holding them in mine so he can’t hit me again. He doesn’t like it, but then again, I don’t really like being under attack.
I try to use humor to help work through some of the parenting challenges and most of the time, it is a good coping mechanism. But there are times when things just really suck, and humor isn’t enough. Like when it’s 5:40 a.m. and he is screaming and kicking me in the face when I change his diaper.
There are days that are just really hard, and I feel like a bad mom because I am not as patient as I want to be. My nerves are fried, and I am on edge. It is in those moments that I lean on my mom friends and try to remind myself that I am a human, too and I am doing my best. It’s ok to lose my shit once in awhile after being hit in the face with a metal truck three times. Again, I am just a person and not a punching bag. Just like a little kid has feelings, so does his 39 year-old mother.
My son definitely has some big feelings and is not able to use his words yet to express them. I can try to cut him some slack as well. After all, he is an amazing, fun, cheerful little guy, and all he wants to do is have fun, eat animal crackers, and avoid napping. His teachers call him a frat boy, which is terrifying, but also a perfect description of his gregarious, social, silly personality. People often use the phrase “he is all boy” and I really do get it now. Especially when I see his girl classmates sitting there nicely playing quietly with toys, while he and the boys climb on top of each other like puppies in a cage. I wonder at what age they start ripping off their shirts and wrestling. I am not looking forward to all the trips to get stitches that I know are in our future.
“Strong-willed” and “spirited” are some of the words we use to describe kids with challenging behaviors like Will is exhibiting.
There is clearly a reason people also refer to this time period as the “terrible twos.”
Eventually he will mature, learn to communicate with words, and stop acting out in these ways. It’s definitely going to be a process to get there, and I am sure there will be lots of tears shed by all of us, but we will trudge through. And then, just like that, there will be another different challenge that he throws our way. I am definitely going to have to be on my toes at all times with him. He might even be one of those kids you see at the amusement parks wearing a little leash. If you see us at a theme park one day and Will is running around leashed, please don’t judge.
Just know we are parents doing our best and that boys are just…. different.
