An online dating success story

I met my husband, Tim on Match.com. He likes to tell a story to anyone that asks how we met, that he was pole dancing and stripping down on the Block and I was the prosecutor in court after he was arrested.  He really gets into the story (he is quite the storyteller!) and even throws in some moves.  He has his schtick down.  It’s always good for a laugh or two, but when I cut in and tell people we met on Match.com they are often incredulous.  But that’s how Tim and I met over 13 years ago.

Dating is tough at any age, but it particularly tough after a nasty divorce with two small children living in the suburbs as a stay-at-home mom.  I mean, really, where could I possibly meet someone?

If I was in a Hallmark movie, I would have met a handsome, business-owning workman in a flannel shirt and tight jeans who came to my house to fix my refrigerator, but that only happens in the movies.  I never saw cute single guys in their mid-30’s at Trader Joe’s or Home Depot.  And there were no hot widowers showing up at school pickup like in Bad Moms (love that movie!).  Movies really set up false expectations for single ladies, what a shocker, right?

 I tried a blind date, but the one I went on was just uncomfortable.  He was a nice guy, but no sparks at all.  I think friends see two single people around the same age and think “Hey, they are both single so therefore they must go together”.  It definitely does not work that way.

When I was younger, dating was easy.  My friend/wing-man G and I would go out on weekends to local bars and we were surrounded by guys our own age.  We lived in the city and joined a sports and social club.  We went to happy hours and swing dance lessons and lots of other places filled with people our own age.  Did we always make the best choices?  No, but that’s what your 20’s are for right? I even met my first husband at a swing dance lesson happy hour.

Dating when you are older is MUCH harder.  There are so many more issues and it all is so much more serious.  I have a friend who tried video dating and other dating websites years ago and we used to laugh at all the horrible stories she had about the men she met.  I did not want to get involved in all that! 

Also, when you are older there is baggage. SO.MUCH.BAGGAGE.  Everyone has it, it just depends on the amount and how you carry it.  I had serious divorce/adultery surviving emotional baggage, two small children and a post-child mid-30’s body to boot.  When you have kids with your husband you never think that the “baby belly” will make you feel so self-conscious if there comes a time you are back to dating.   Why would you ever think of that?  Oh, but boy does it do such terrible things to your self-confidence.  It took me a lot to get past that.  Ladies, we are SO hard on ourselves.

Online dating is like shopping.  I would guess the popular swipe right/swipe left apps are as well, but online dating seems more serious somehow.  Maybe because you pay for it and fill out lengthy questionnaires.  Maybe I’m wrong since I never tried any of the apps before they became popular.   I have several friends who had varying experiences on them. The idea of picking someone first on looks (let’s be honest), then on their likes and dislikes on its surface cuts through the BS.  But as someone who went on a few dates, I can tell you people LIE about everything.  I was naïve in my honesty on the site and picked my picture from a zoo outing with my kids (it was a good picture!). 

The interesting thing about online dating is I NEVER would have met my husband without it. We lived in completely separate areas of the state and had no overlap.   We would not have been going to the same places.  On paper he would not be someone I would pick.   It works for us though.  We are very different in some ways, but also very similar.

Our first conversation on the phone last three hours and we talked about everything.  We had several phone calls before we met because I was very nervous about going out with someone I didn’t know in person.  Weird I know because I had already shared so much with him on the phone.  But just like texting and on-line chat, it’s so much more impersonal somehow then showing up all vulnerable, baby belly and all.  We had lots to talk about sharing our lives and interests, but we also talked a lot about our divorces because we were both in very similar situations.  He understood what I was going through, and I understood him as well.  This probably breaks EVERY single rule on dating after divorce, but it worked for us.

I’m sure online dating is not for everyone.  So many people will still meet the old-fashioned way – in person.  But it does serve a purpose.  I never would have met my husband 13 years ago if not for Match.com.  Who knows, maybe they are looking for new spokespeople??😉