I met my husband the old-fashioned way

I met my husband the old fashioned way. In person. For someone who treated online dating like an Olympic sport, I am still surprised I met my husband this way. No swiping. No pre-date texting to analyze his grammar and emoji usage. In the modern dating world, meeting IRL seems sort of unusual, doesn’t it? After swiping through every eligible bachelor within a 20 mile radius, I thought I had seen every single or pretending-to-be single man. And then one day there he was: this tall, bald man wearing his giant headphones and his signature zip up hoodie, walking his dog in front of my condo. He was my adorable neighbor two doors down, the single dad with the cute little girl and the black Goldendoodle. We met when I moved into the neighborhood in March 2019, started dating in April and were married in November 2020. My friends joke that it all transpired like a Hallmark movie, the perfect meet-cute. I’m just glad it ended like a rom-com and not like the horror films that were most of my online dating experience (that’s a whole different type of blog post).

While Amy had luck meeting Tim on Match.com long before there was Bumble, Hinge, Ok Cupid, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel and whatever other apps keep popping up, I never would have met my husband, Beau, online. I would have scrolled right past him or maybe not seen him at all. I had some pretty rigid search parameters, some which now seem rather silly. I mostly filtered out anyone over 40 who didn’t want kids or who wasn’t open to more kids. Beau was 43 and was certain that his future didn’t include anymore sleepless nights and diaper explosions. (Fast forward to 2022 and this is actually his exact life!) He also didn’t necessarily want to get married again, another strike against him in my book. If I had seen his profile, I probably would have swiped left, which means “no thanks” or “hell no” in some cases. We joke about this all the time and he reminds me that he would have also swiped left on me. I was very upfront in my profile that I wanted kids and marriage, two pretty big strikes against me from his perspective. He also loves to remind me that my photos made me seem “like one of those girls.” I think the word he is looking for is basic(1) . This actually makes me giggle because it’s true in many ways. Picture a photo of a girl with blonde highlights, big sunglasses, athleisure wear and two little dogs in sweaters. That was my profile picture. To him, I probably looked like a former sorority girl who he would have nothing in common with. He would have drawn conclusions about me based on a few photos and a short description and ruled me out. I would have done the exact same thing and not given him another thought. I have no idea what his profile picture was, but I imagine he was one of those guys who posted a group photo of several dudes wearing jerseys at a football game with no indication which guy he might be. I will never understand why people do this. He is also a man of few words, so I imagine his profile would have been mostly blank, which is always seemed like a red flag. Needless to say, we would have swiped right past one another.

Online dating apps require people to make instantaneous decisions about a total stranger based on such limited and sometimes useless information, which is part of why I think it’s a hard to match with the right person. It’s easy to draw conclusions about someone based on a picture or a few sentences that can be read out of context. I’ve been on dozens of first dates and I can tell you that more often than not, my preconceived notions about someone were entirely wrong. I am sure plenty of men were wrong about me and perhaps even disappointed. I’ll never know. However, I still believe that online dating works. I’ve been to many weddings and seen many babies come into the world all because two people swiped right. For me, it was mostly a lot of entertainment and fodder for great stories, but I don’t regret my online experiences. And by experiences, I mean the 74 first dates I went on, some of which were so bad that I left before the server even took our order. It was all part of the process as I like to remind myself. A very long process! For anyone out there who thinks “all the good ones are gone” I promise you that you are absolutely one hundred percent wrong. There is a lid for every pot as someone once told me. Even if some silly dating algorithm says you aren’t a 100% match with someone, he or she might be worth having a cup of coffee with. That cup of coffee could lead to dinner or a second date. It could even be your last first date ever! If you’re as lucky as my husband, it leads to a house in the suburbs, three more dogs and a baby. In extreme cases, it could lead to a mini-van.

I respect people who know what they want (ie: no more kids). I was one of those people firm in my beliefs. However, there is something to be said about changing your mind or compromising when you find the person you love. I always thought I didn’t want to change for anyone and didn’t want anyone to change for me, but that mindset may be too short-sighted in some situations. I have found that despite what I always believed, some people change. People are complex and we don’t always know what we want or don’t want until it’s right there in front of us. I know someone who dated a man who said he wanted children like she did. A few years into their marriage, he changed his mind. It happens. I am not advocating that you waste your time on someone you dislike or have nothing in common with. I am also not suggesting you set out and try and change another person. As cliché as it sounds, sometimes you just have to have an open mind. Be open to the idea that the love of your life is possibly outside of your search results online. I know mine was. Love doesn’t follow rules and it’s not an exact science. Despite what an online algorithm may tell you, someone you might never consider could be your perfect match.

1 A term used to describe a female who is mainstream. She wears Ugg boots, overpriced black leggings and takes many selfies for social media. Many of these selfies are of her in the car drinking a pumpkin spice latte with the hashtag, #lovefall.