Women and Friendship
Women’s relationships are COMPLICATED.
I think this observation probably ranks as one of the biggest understatements of the year…
Maybe ever.
There are just so many layers to these relationships that change as we move through life – think Shrek and his onion analogy.
It has always been fascinating to me why we easily click with some people and don’t with others. I know we’ve all had the feeling of meeting someone and knowing right away that you will be friends. You can just feel it. If we are lucky, we have a friend (or two) that even if we speak every day there is never a lack of things to talk about. And then there are the friends that you haven’t seen in years, but it feels seamless to pick up right where you left off. It is so comforting to know they are there for you without judgment even if time passes and you let life get in the way.
And yet there are other women whom you may know for years and never get any closer than acquaintances. And some you may not even like when you first meet them and you just aren’t sure why. And maybe the feeling is mutual. These are the people that conversation is always stilted and always superficial. It’s such an odd feeling to me; the awkwardness around some women I’ve known for years. We just don’t click.
The way I see it, each stage of life has different friends. If we are lucky (and we put in the effort) we might maintain strong friendships throughout our lives. I know people who have had the same group of friends their whole lives – other ladies that they go on vacation with every year and talk to on a regular basis. My mom has dear friends from high school she still sees and chats with on the phone consistently - and that’s over 50 years! I admit I’ve always been jealous of this. I moved a lot growing up which made this difficult. But if I’m really being honest with myself, it is also because I didn’t always put the effort in. I wasn’t always the friend I should have been and as I’m older and (I think!) wiser I do have regret.
Friends are important for so many reasons.
One thing I have learned over time is that maintaining friendships requires work and commitment. I guess it goes along with the saying that anything worth having or doing takes work. We make time for what matters.
We need to make friends a priority.
I made a promise to myself in the past few years that I would make more time for my friends. Sometimes my reaching out is just a text to let them know I’m thinking about them. I know we get so much more out of face-to-face contact, but there are times that is all I can manage. I am trying to make my friendships more of a priority in my life.
It’s so easy to let family obligations take over. Especially when you have children. Their lives and events take over our lives. It’s easy to just say to ourselves that we are busy and just don’t have the time. But if we do this, we are really missing out.
During the covid time home, I have added walking with friends to my routine. This is an excellent way to catch up with local friends and get in some exercise. I like this so much more than meeting for coffee. It combines two things I enjoy!
I think social media has made women’s relationships both easier and much more difficult. We can be “friends” with so many people, even people we weren’t actually friends with when we knew them in person. Don’t get me wrong, I greatly enjoy watching people’s children grow up from afar, seeing trips and sharing in successes and losses, but so much of what happens on social media is superficial. We all know most people only share the good and the successes. We don’t share the day to day which is arguably what makes friendships stronger.
Be present for each other.
There is also such a dark side to everything being so open on social media. We read so much about how social media has been difficult for our children, but I know it is also very hard on adults. I know we have all seen posts of people we know out with friends and having a good time. For me, I wonder why I wasn’t included. It immediately brings back that horrible feeling of being left out of the party. I know we’ve all been there. And it hurts just as much as it did when I was 17 years old. I try so hard to be careful of how I use social media for this reason. I try to stick to posts about my cats, children and trips – pretty safe territory. I don’t want to be the source of someone else’s pain.
Friendship between women can be so rewarding. There is nothing like sharing a laugh with a girlfriend or getting that hug when things aren’t going quite the way we wanted. We need to remember that it does take effort, but in the end the time invested in your friends pays huge dividends.
Not just for yourself, but for them as well.
Make sure to take the time. It’s worth it.
