Day Care: The Best Decision For Us & Why We Love It

I don’t like the word day care.

I picture a line of cribs with babies standing up crying and the whole place smells like dirty diapers. I prefer to call the place where we take my child from 8:30- 5:00 every day school. Kids belong in school, right? It’s a natural part of life.

I find it lessens the mom guilt to think of him as being at school.

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, but I chose our day care pretty easily and I didn’t do a ton of research. I hate research. I am more of a gut instinct kind of person. I know people who took tours of multiple facilities and had lists of questions for each place. That sounds very responsible and so naturally, I did nothing of the sort. I did one zoom visit when I was 5 months pregnant and it was the place next to my office which is 5 minutes from our house. My husband didn’t even do it with me. For us, proximity was the winning factor. And the fact that there were no reported complaints that would concern me. I could have interviewed other providers, but I didn’t think there would be much of a difference between most of the places. I often wonder if I made this decision too easily, but I also remind myself that we love it and we are happy there, so clearly it was the right decision. I also think we got very lucky on the first try!

Now that I think about it, the whole concept of day care is actually kind of crazy. We literally drop off our brand-new tiny precious babies to complete and total strangers whose last names we don’t know and we leave them there all day where more strangers are expected to take care of them and keep them safe.

We place a lot of trust into these places and more often than not, the experience is a positive one because our kids thrive and have a great time. It is a huge leap of faith on the part of new parents, and we all seem to be willing to take it. After all, what the heck are we supposed to do?

Many of us are two income households and we have to return to work before our kids can even hold their heads up. Most people do not have parents or relatives who are in the position to watch an infant full time and so we spend an exorbitant amount of money for someone to keep our kids safe, fed, and mostly happy while we work.

I don’t know why I wasn’t nervous about day care, which is unlike most new moms I know. I wasn’t thrilled to return to work because I didn’t feel like myself, but I was happy to get him socialized with other kids and have him into a routine. The first day was so funny. I dressed him up like a little man in a button-down shirt, jeans, and tennis shoes. I could not have found a more impractical outfit for someone who has to get stripped down and changed multiple times a day. Shoes? What was I thinking? I now know that comfort is the way to go. No one is comfortable in jeans I don’t care how stretchy they feel. And no one is comfortable in jeans and a full diaper. Just no.

I’ve heard that a lot of people cry at the drop off and for some reason I didn’t and he didn’t. I was just happy that he was going to this new place with all of these other kids his age and I had a really good feeling inside from Day One. It also helps that I can see the building from the windows of where I work. Having him close by makes a huge difference because if something goes wrong, I am right there. I sometimes pass by when I am headed to lunch and I see him outside with his class and I know he is living his best life. I once made the mistake of driving over when I saw him outside and waving at him excitedly. Apparently, that was not a cool thing to do and he just stared at me. If he could talk, he would have told me how embarrassing I am.

It’s been almost a year since my son started at this place and as cliché as it sounds, we have found the perfect little community. I now find myself organizing play dates and planning teacher gifts, which are two things I thought I would never ever do. He is assigned to class with two other kids and the three of them are absolutely hilarious together. I think we lucked out with his teacher because she is the sweetest and she adores them all. Ever since we started sending in food and transitioned from bottles, she lets me know exactly when my lunches aren’t up to par. She is a teacher, but she is a pretty intense food critic as well. She told me that he likes his carrots “more well done”. And no blueberries, please. They are apparently not pleasing to his precious palate. I guess he told her that in private. Every time she gives me feedback, I crack up. There’s always room for improvement even with baby lunches.

I have learned just how incredibly hard all of the teachers and staff work at the school and I think on so many levels, their job is much harder than what I do. I never thought about how much work childcare is. It is not babysitting! There is no TV. No texting while you’re with the kids. Everybody needs a diaper change every couple of hours and that’s a whole production! Some of the kids won’t nap while others like my son just nod off in the middle of eating an applesauce pouch. There is also a lot of unexplained crying which triggers others to join in.

I wouldn’t last one day there! There is never a break unless there is someone to cover the classroom. After all you can’t leave three toddlers alone in a room even if you need to go to the bathroom! All day long these ladies wipe noses and butts and hand out snacks. His teacher has recently been teaching three little babies how to hold their sippy cups and drink milk. That actually sounds like an impossible task, and I know I would never be as patient as she is. Sometimes they go outside in this stroller that holds all 3 of them in a row and I truly think it must take her 20 minutes to get everyone bundled up and ready to go. It’s worth it for the adorable photos she sends all the parents. But I have so many questions. What if someone poops as soon as they all get outside? Do they all have to come back in or just the guilty party? What if someone starts crying because it’s too cold? I can just picture her putting teeny tiny little mittens on their sticky chubby little hands only to have them pull them off and lose them on the ground. I imagine that she must talk in a sweet baby-friendly voice all day and that would drive me nuts. No cursing or yelling, even when you get elbowed in the face (by a 1 year old)!! I like kids. I am a kid person. But I am absolutely not equipped to do that all day with other people’s children. It is an amazing skill set and childcare providers and teachers deserve all the raises in the world.

I’ve also learned that some of the greatest days of the year are when my office is closed for a holiday and the school is open. I get to have the day all to myself while my son is at school with his friends. Those days are very rare, and I call them secret unicorn holidays for that reason.

Some of the hardest days are when both my office and the school are closed. Those days are actually 57 hours long and by 9:30 in the morning I’m ready for a nap and lunch. There is nothing that is less relaxing. I realized very quickly on one of these days that as much as I love and adore him, I could never take care of him all day every day. I have zero ability to teach him any of the amazing stuff that he learns there. I can play, I can get snacks, and I can cuddle, but I would not be a good day care provider. They have infinite patience and they engage all of the kids at one time and get them to sit down and pay attention to whatever the group is doing. I don’t know how they do it, but they do. There is a lady who comes in and plays guitar and sings to them and somehow all of these kids manage to sit still and listen to her concert. Amazing! They also had the babies do a Mother’s Day craft where they dipped their feet in paint and somehow made it into a flower shape on a plate. If you ask me, it is the best gift that ever made by any baby ever. It made me feel like I was really a mom when I received it.

Day care has been a great experience for my son and while it is a major expense, I think the benefits are tremendous for him. I am glad he is comfortable being separated from us and he is getting the chance to interact with other kids. He will hopefully learn to share his toys and not hit his friends, and if I am really lucky they might work on potty training him one day!!

He’s recently “moved up” and he’s in the next stage classroom with his same little squad. It’s very cool to see them all progress at their own pace. They sit at a little table and chairs now in the morning and they all eat their snacks together. It reminds me of a bunch of old bald men sitting at Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s precious to see them all sitting there babbling to one another in a language only they know. Before I know it he will be running around on the playground and singing songs and not letting me kiss him goodbye.

I know that day care isn’t for everyone for many different reasons, but I think this was the right choice for him and our family. His teacher is someone that we have grown to truly love. Sometimes when I walk in I see through the window as he is sitting there looking at her in such adoration. Truth be told, he is with her more hours in the day than he is with me. He lights up when he sees her and that makes me so happy. I trust her and I am glad we have her. She will be with him another year and then he goes into the “3s” group which makes me feel like we’re halfway to looking at colleges. I really will cry on that day when he moves up! It all goes by too fast.

For now, I enjoy carrying him in and out and making sure to pack enough sippy cups with milk with the lid screwed properly. He won’t remember these days, but for me, these are some of the sweetest memories that I will cherish forever.