Letting Go: The College Acceptance Letter

It’s that time of year again.  We’ve been through it before in my house and here we are again now with my youngest son.  The time college acceptance letters start to arrive and the huge decision is made.

When I was applying to college, we literally received a letter in the mail.  I remember nervously getting the mail and looking for the college letters around the date we thought they would arrive.  I remember examining the letters using a method we all thought was correct. 

Was the envelope thick?  That of course meant you were accepted.  Or was it thin?  An obvious rejection.  Kind of exciting, kind of terrifying.  Who knows if our theory was actually correct?  It made things tense.

Now you just get an email.  But it’s still equally exciting and terrifying at the same time.

We all want our kids to be happy.  We want them to get whatever they want in life.  We want them to succeed.

For some kids this means trade school or the military or some other path.  For both of mine the path leads to a four-year college.  Or “sleep away college” as my stepson used to call it.

This is a lot of pressure on everyone in the family.  I found myself saying things I thought I never would – like “you should stay in band because it will look good on your college application” or “take that harder class so it will raise your QPA.”  The pressure feels so real.  But then I would try to remind myself that my son would go to college, maybe not his first choice, but he would still go and the world would still turn and the sun will still rise.  As moms we just want things to go their way.

There are so many options out there now for all kinds of kids.  And so many decisions between different state schools and all those private schools.  You have to consider distance, travel costs, majors offered, cost of the schools (so expensive!!), etc., etc.  It can be overwhelming.  We definitely used a pro and con spreadsheet with my oldest to choose.  My youngest knew where he wanted to go so the pressure for him was simply getting in.  We had a Plan A and a Plan B.

My boys with Testudo

I am happy to report my son was accepted at University of Maryland which was his one and only choice, so all is good in the world right now.  I am thrilled for him and happy that he will be less than an hour from home. And for at least one year he will be with his older brother.

But let’s talk about the second stressful part of the college acceptance process for us parents. 

The clock now starts for real on when your child leaves home. 

Of course, I know he’ll be home for holidays and breaks, but the day he moves out for good is approaching.  And that makes my mama heart ache. 

We are approaching being free-birds (I DO NOT like the term empty-nesters, but that’s a whole different blog) and while there are perks of course, I know how much I will miss him.  I have been through this before with my older son and I know how hard it is to look at his empty room and actually miss his dirty laundry.  It feels different with my youngest, with my baby.  I never worried that my older son was ready for college, but I will admit the thought has crossed my mind this time around.  I’m aware enough to know this is a “me” problem, and yes, I have likely babied my youngest his whole life.  But don’t we all?

So here we are actually signing the commitment papers and signing up for orientations.  I am so thrilled for him; this is such an exciting and wonderful time.

But a part of me is sad that high school is nearing the end and that all my kids are moving on.  I look at pictures of them when they were younger and literally feel a visceral yearning to hear their little voices again and see those wonderful, happy little boy smiles.  I know we have so many happy memories to make in the years ahead, but sometimes I wish, just one more time, for the feeling of their small hand reaching into mine as we cross the parking lot.  And now I’m tearing up.

I love my young men fiercely.  And I am very confident they will do well in life.

But this milestone is another step towards letting them go and I have to admit it’s a tough, very visible one.

In the meantime, I will continue to smile, be a super proud mama, and practice my cheering - Go Terps!