License to Drive: Teaching Teenagers to Drive

I’m getting ready to start teaching my fourth child to drive.

You read that correctly – FOURTH.  I could start my own driving school.

When your kids are little this day seems so far away, but 15 and 9 months comes awfully fast and you need to be ready for it.  Apparently out of all the parents involved with these four kids, it has been decided that I am the most calm and best teacher.  Yay me, I guess. 

It actually is pretty stressful being responsible for teaching a teenager to handle a huge machine on a road with lots of other people.  So much can go wrong.

When I was growing up, driver’s ed was part of Health class in my high school.  They set aside a week or two to teach us everything we needed to know.  Then we took “behind the wheel” with the football coach after school a bunch of times.  Maybe there was more, but it was 32 years ago (!!!) so some of the details are pretty fuzzy.  In New Jersey where I grew up, you also couldn’t get your license until you were 17 which at the time seemed so unfair.  Now I totally get it.  Maybe it should even be 18.

I remember getting my license on the first day I was eligible.  That’s just what you did.  I was so excited to have the freedom to drive and lucky enough to have my dad’s hand-me-down baby blue Honda Civic hatchback.  I loved that car.  And I loved driving. 

When you first get your license, you are happy to drive anywhere and everywhere, you just want to drive.   Need milk?  I’ll get it!  My little brother needs a ride somewhere?  I’m on it! This fades of course and now I actually plan vacations based on how far away they are – nothing further than 5 hours away.  We draw a circle on the map and go from there.

Things are done differently where I live now.

Maryland has a gradual system – permit at 15 and 9 months, provisional license 9 months later.  Makes sense.  This is assuming you pay the astronomical fees associated with mandatory Drivers Education School -what a racket!  You also must complete 60 hours of driving with a licensed driver.  This is where I come in for both of my step kids, my older son and now Nicholas. 

60 hours is a lot of time to spend in the car with a new, nervous driver.  A lot of time.

Teaching teenagers

Since teenagers clearly already know everything, you would think this part would be easy.  Not quite. 

Our deal is that you actually have to pay attention and listen to me talk about driving.  This should be a given, but again not quite.  The draw of the phone to a teenager is so strong.

My rule is when it’s time to learn to drive, riding in the front seat means no electronics so they can watch and discuss what’s going on around them.

Nicholas and I now have exciting conversations about the rules of stopping for school busses on different types of roads on the way to school.  Or how soon you should turn on a blinker when approaching a turn.  Teaching starts even before they start driving.

As all teachers know, teaching teenagers takes a certain amount of finesse.  They want to feel like they are in control, but as adults we know that they really aren’t, but we want them to think they are at least a little – phew, see the balancing act?

If you don’t get it just right there will be lots of head butting, eye rolling and maybe even tears.  All are clearly to be avoided.

First child

First up in our extended family was Caroline, my step daughter.  Caroline was not super keen on getting her license at all and perfectly happy to delay and delay.   We reminded her repeatedly that her 18 year-old self would not be pleased with her 16 year-old self for not at least starting the process.

 This seems to be a real thing with kids these days.  Many are not in a hurry to get their license – I don’t get this.  To me it was freedom.

We finally convinced her to start the process after she turned 16.  It was not an easy for anyone.  All of us were new to this, she was our guinea pig.

Caroline was a nervous driver and we spent lots of time driving around the parking lot of the mostly abandoned local mall going up and down the rows.  Back and forth, pulling into spots and pulling back out of spots for hours.

As she got more comfortable she would drive with her dad more on the way to school and finally locally with the family in the car.  Her dad is usually patient when teaching, but teaching driving made him a wee bit impatient.  There were tears and one funny incident involving his panicked response and quick attempt to cover up.

I won’t lie that I didn’t wish for a brake on the passenger side once or twice like in the driver’s ed cars and I will admit to grabbing on to the door handle from time to time.  There was even gasping.

There was the incident where she took a circle too broadly, hit the curb and popped a tire on our minivan on the way to a Friday night local concert with the car loaded with the family.  Not a fun start to that evening.  Thank goodness for AAA. 

Unfortunately, there were also a few accidents since she got her license, both involving black ice and wet roads.  They were both pretty serious and cars were totaled.  Thankfully no one was hurt in either accident.  It does happen and that’s why teenager’s insurance is SO expensive.  SO expensive.

Next two kids

The second child, Matt, was also a nervous driver and there were quite a few times I was afraid we were going to take out some mailboxes due to his curb hugging.  There was definitely door handle grabbing and lots of gasping, although I tried to remain silent so I didn’t make him more nervous.

We were back to the mall parking lot, but then they tore the mall down and we had to shift to the BJ’s parking lot.  He’s an easily distracted driver which presents its own set of issues and lectures.

There was a distracted accident and tickets with this one too.

The third child, Matthew was a more confident driver from the beginning.  This is both good and bad.  Confidence is good but it can also make them less careful and a little too speedy.

Funny how there can be a too fast and a too slow, both making you wish you had way more control over the car.

Matthew’s confidence made me nervous and was so different from the previous two.  It required my adjusting my techniques – he wanted to drive on the highway so quickly!

Only one ticket with this one.

Again, this is why teen insurance is expensive.

Last driver

Now comes the youngest’s turn to learn to drive.  Nicholas is the youngest of 4 children -2 step and my older son.  That makes him forever the baby.  It is almost impossible for me to believe we have reached the driving point. 

He seems WAY too young, although he’s grown leaps and bounds in the past year – both physically and emotionally.  He still is my baby.

I most definitely was more enthusiastic about teaching the other kids to drive.   Totally my own issue I know.  I don’t think I’m ready to give him the freedom I know comes with driving a car.  He meanwhile is ready to go.  I know he’ll read this, and I’ll get the teenage eye roll and heavy sigh.

He got his permit literally yesterday and downloaded the driving log app, so it’s a good time for these reminders:

* Make sure to surreptitiously put your hand on the door handle as you are starting to drive so it’s already there for grabbing.

* Remember you don’t have a brake on your side, so slamming your foot into the ground doesn’t work AT ALL.

* A calming adult beverage is HIGHLY frowned upon, save that for AFTER your first time driving on the highway with a new driver.

* It’s tough to control gasping but do your best to at least make it quiet.  When you gasp, your new driver will immediately whip their head to look at you which makes things much worse.

* Practice your calm instructional voice and remember to use it even when you would rather yell.

 So now that my youngest has his permit I will put on my big girl pants, fasten my seatbelt, and prepare myself to teach another child to drive a car.

If only I could figure out how to reach the brake from the passenger side…