Before I got married, had a stepchild and a baby, I used to feel energized at the end of the work day. My only responsibility was getting to my 5:30 PM spin class and figuring out what to make for dinner. I could eat cereal if I wanted. I could watch 3 hours of uninterrupted mindless tv. Fast forward to the present. 5:30 PM is now what I call The Witching Hour. It is when I feel like everything is pure chaos at my home.

My oldest son is home for his winter break from college. He’s a sophomore at University of Maryland so not too far from home. This allows for a few visits for parent’s weekend and sporting events, plus a whole week for Thanksgiving.

His break is a full month, but it still doesn’t feel like enough.

We’re just a couple days away from Christmas and this is a really special one because it’s my son’s first Christmas. This time last year I was extremely pregnant People told me, “next year is going to be so incredible!” To a certain degree they are right. It is the most wonderful time of year, but at the same time, my 11 month-old does not have a clue about Christmas and for that reason, I (we) did not go crazy buying him everything under the sun.

Traditions are such a big part of what makes each family unique. They are so fun to create when kids are little, but I admit when my kids were little I went a bit overboard with the traditions.

Ok, maybe WAY overboard on the traditions.

My husband, his daughter and I flew with my 10 month-old baby to Louisiana the day before Thanksgiving. The busiest travel day of the year or so I am told. If that isn’t daunting enough, we didn’t check any bags and we didn’t pack a stroller.

My second son was not an easy child. He was spirited and stubborn and his emotions often seemed to overwhelm his little body. He was also a loving and sweet little boy with beautiful blond curls who laughed often and wanted to snuggle with me, but so often there were tears and breath holding.

I met my step-kids over 13 years ago.

Going in, I pictured a lovely relationship with both my stepchildren and their mother. I envisioned that their mom and I would be friends and text and talk about issues with the kids. I naively thought she would welcome me as another parent for her children. I thought we could have coffee together and talk about parenting. I was very naïve.

I dropped my oldest son off to college this week and my mama heart aches. I know he was feeling nervous and excited and likely a little scared too. The mama instinct is to bundle them back up in the car and take them back home, but instead you have to smile and drive away. You have to let them go.

This is the time of summer that I look at the calendar and panic that summer is almost over and we haven’t done anything “summery”.

I pretty much do this every year, despite the fact that 1) we have done “summery” things and 2) I know that I do this every year.

I follow a few different mom’s groups on Facebook and read a post this week that made me stop, re-read, and then respond. The mom was venting how stressed she was as a single mom with budgeting and taking her kids on their annual trip to Disney. She commented how she was feeling overwhelmed with money issues and budgeting and had stopped doing anything for herself. Anything at all, including taking care of herself. I could feel her level of stress just from reading her post.

She wanted to know if this was normal. And so many people responded that yes it was, that they were stressed too. And that they had put themselves aside too. The predominant response was that it was imperative to do everything for your kids and that basically it was a mom’s job to just suck it up and suffer.

What?!?!

I’m getting ready to start teaching my fourth child to drive.

You read that correctly – FOURTH. I could start my own driving school.

When your kids are little this day seems so far away, but 15 and 9 months comes awfully fast and you need to be ready for it. Apparently out of all the parents involved with these four kids, it has been decided that I am the most calm and best teacher. Yay me, I guess.

I had the wonderful opportunity recently to travel to South Dakota on a vacation with my 19-year-old son for a week. Just the two of us. It was an amazing experience.

Matthew was given the choice as to where to go in the U.S., anywhere he wanted to go. And he picked South Dakota.

And just like that, I was less than 24 hours from being back at my desk at work. I could already hear the ding of my email alerts. My tiny, wrinkly newborn was now three months old and it was finally time to return to work after 13 weeks off. Notice I said “off” and not vacation. Maternity leave is not a vacation.

I post a lot of happy photos and funny stories on social media about being a new mom. For the most part, the experience is beautiful and exciting. For me, the greatest challenge has been nursing. Breastfeeding was not at all what I expected. In fact, I hated the whole experience so much that I quit

I know it’s a total cliché to say time flies, but it really, really does when you have kids. It doesn’t seem that long ago that my boys, who are now 18 and 15, were toddlers. I don’t feel that much older but having to literally look up to my boys now makes reminds me I’m inching very close to 50 -oh the horror! For real though, where did all those years go??

We made it home! Finally, after 72 hours in the hospital, baby Will came home! I had absolutely no idea what to expect without the ‘experts’ in the hospital to guide me. Thank goodness for my husband who has done this before and also…thank you, Google. Just over one week into this mom gig, I’ve been doing a lot of googling, sometimes frantically at 4 a.m. Here’s an honest breakdown of how the first week really went. (* FYI, I am giving you a TMI alert as this post mentions bodily functions and may not be suitable for all readers, especially men).

I know that millions of women get pregnant and give birth every single day and there is nothing particularly unique about my experience, but let me just say that what has surprised me most about pregnancy was how people react to pregnant women. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Let me explain. In my non-pregnant state, I can walk into the store, get a few groceries, not speak to anyone and be on my way. As a pregnant person walking around in public, I am somewhat of a hybrid between a celebrity and a zoo animal. Everyone wants to ask questions and to engage. I find that so many strangers want to be so…. involved. It is a phenomenon I will never understand.

Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disorder. I did not know this prior to September 26, 2018. Oh, I knew about the disease, but only in the abstract as juvenile diabetes.

That changed with the devastating diagnosis of my 12-year-old son with Type 1 diabetes in 2018.